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A short exploration of light already within us. Written last winter.
Winter , with its dull mornings and early dusks . Affecting . An undifferentiated sense of yearning is upon me. Uninvited and unsettling.
But the subdued milky light of winter is still light.
When I was a teenager I was fascinated by the concept of absolute zero (-273 degrees) , the point at which no heat energy remains . By definition , a point that is impossible to reach.
It follows that in apparent coldness there is relative warmth. Because we can never reach absolute zero.
And so with light . It is there, even when we can’t see , sense or appreciate it .
At the point of the last total eclipse of the sun on the 11th August 1999 I was driving to work.
I thought it would darken and become a little colder . And it did. But I was unprepared for my visceral reaction . As the sun was covered , my heart felt gripped and my lungs pressed . It was the thought of losing something I had thought could never be taken away.
He gave no praise, barely acknowledged me, often belittled or berated me but I now realise everything I needed to sustain me was freely given. In abundance. Completely unseen and always unsaid.
Even in coldness there was warmth. Light unseen burning for me. The light we can’t live without. That we take for granted and reject if it is not to our liking or expectation .
To live a life without self blame is easier said than done.
As we greet another day of greyness let us shout praise and be grateful that we have all the light we need . Nothing is withheld. The Winters light is always enough for that day.